When we are born, our parents are everything we have in this world.

They are someone we turn to for support, guidance, and safety. They are someone we look up to tell us the rules of this mystery we are born into.

The truth is we are all human and we all make mistakes. However, to a child’s mind its parents are something a lot more than just a human.

They are its creators, its caretakers, its guardians, and they’ve lived here before it was even born. Our mother and father are our goddess and god when we are young. They are the only thing we are familiar with in the midst of this vast unknown.

That’s the reason why what parents do and how they behave becomes a crucial part of their children’s psyche.

They are an example mold for our early consciousness, something to look from when it develops our character.

Here are some phrases that you shouldn’t use when you talk to your child:

’You’re worthless’

Definitely, this is one of the worst phrases a parent could tell to a child. Especially since the parent is the one from whom the child expects approval. When you constantly say this, the child will constantly seek approval from the outside world. You should help them find their own worth and show them that we can all do better. Opt for phrases like: You can do better, nobody is perfect, you’ll do better next time, etc.

’Stop crying right now’

When a child does something for which it knows that it will be punished, it starts crying. That is its emotion even there is no reason to cry. It has the right to express how it feels. By stopping this process, the child will suppress its emotions. You should hug it and explain that it is wrong what it did but it is great to show how it feels.

”I’m disappointed in you”

Some parents usually say this to their children when they already feel bad. Trying to make your kids responsible for your disappointment is something really selfish. You can be disappointed in a friend, movie, or even your country’s politics, but you can’t actually be disappointed in your child. You are there as their parent to let them on a right path. So, when your kid does something wrong, you should guide it back. Your disappointment is in your guidance, not your child. You should teach your child what they did is wrong and why.

Instead of this phrase, you can tell your kid: “What you did is wrong, in my opinion. And I believe you made an honest mistake. Even if you chose to do what you did, I can assure you’ll realize it’s wrong after I explain. I know you can do better!”

“You are not (something) enough!

When you say this to your child, you are showing them a pretty restricted image of themselves. You are implying that there is something they are lacking in order for them to do what they love or be who they want to be. Even when you are not saying that they are not enough, you are programming their mindset that way. They are enough to be themselves and they always are. A tree is enough to be a tree itself, even when it is only a seed. But, it also has to grow in order to become what it is.

Instead of this phrase, you can say to your child: “You are enough to be or do what you love. But sometimes we all need to train or practice something before, in order to grow that way.”

“Big boys/girls don’t get scared!”

First of all, why are you lying to your kid. You are probably more frightened than they are throughout your day. Second, you are forcing them to reject what they are honestly feeling. Fear is not a bad thing, it reminds us when to be careful. You should not run away from it but face it, be aware, learn from it. And real courage is not being fearless, but facing your fear even if you are terrified.

Instead of this, tell your kid: “It’s OK to be scared buddy. All of us are scared sometimes. But I know there is courage inside you that will help you do the right thing even if you are scared. You are my little hero!”